fintastic | tph archives (Reply)

Just some silly stuff I archived from old Livejournal posts regarding some TPH canon, so that I can remember it if I need to!

The below was originally written and posted by hate_actually and is retained here for future reference:

so trolls! there is a lot of room for headcanon about them i guess, and we've got some established stuff up in TPH that I thought it might be helpful to have posted, so that our stupid dumb in jokes are perhaps a bit less befuddling to new people. This is not to say no one can make up new shit whenever they feel like it, because duh of course you can, run free and bullshit your way around troll society and biology no one is going to stop you. This is just here for the sake of some internal consistency, should you wish to partake of it. (and feel free to drop a comment with anything you think ought to be on here that I have FORGOTTEN.)

MAPLE SYRUP. There is no sopor slime on Earth. Fortunately for their ongoing mental comfort, the trolls who've wound up stuck here have found that maple syrup has identical effects on them. There are of course no recuperacoons, so the done thing is generally to fill whatever suitable container one can find with a diluted mixture of syrup and water and then sleep in it. For example, Karkat sleeps in a children's sandbox, and Sollux sleeps in a filing cabinet.
Eating it is not advised, as excess consumption of maple syrup may cause PATHOS.

HOLIDAYS. THESE ARE SOME THAT WE HAVE MENTIONED ALREADY. FEEL FREE TO MENTION YOUR OWN.

10th Perigee's Eve, an equivalent of Halloween:
Trolls build death traps on their lawnrings to protect themselves from costumed looters. If anyone successfully fights their way to your door, you are obliged to give them some kind of prize, otherwise they are entitled to run you through with a festive awl. Whether they elect to also redecorate the exterior of your hive with unfertilized cluckbeast ovulations is up to them.

The First Perigee Spawning, an equivalent of Valentine's Day:
The day (it varies every year) on which larval Imperial Drones hatch and swarm. The Dronespawn, which vaguely resemble carapaced human infants with insectlike wings and razor sharp teeth, are carnivorous and will raze the flesh off the bones of any troll they encounter, but they are deterred by the pheromones produced by a troll whose quadrants are all filled. As such, the Spawning is traditionally a day for spending time with your romantic partners, or just locking yourself indoors, to avoid being devoured. Trolls often stick the quadrant symbols on the door of their hives in order to signify that their quadrants are all filled, although it's not like the Dronespawn actually know what that means.

and of course 12th Perigee's Eve, the canon equivalent to New Year's or Christmas, on which the young troll's custodian forages for beast leavings, which are brought back to the hive and then decorated to ring in the new sweep.

TROLL QUEER. Since conventional troll romance is inherently pansexual, violent and pseudo-polyamorous, what constitutes romantic deviancy for trolls is ... not the same as is is for humans. At the same time, though, it's fundamentally similar. The conventional ideal of human romance in most modern societies is getting married to somebody of the opposite gender, probably with the goal of having children; this works for lots of people, but for a significant minority it does not. Likewise, for trolls, the conventional ideal is to fill all of your quadrants in the traditionally accepted fashion, and, as with humans, the conventional ideal works for the majority of trolls. But sometimes, it doesn't. Some trolls have three-way moirallegiances. Some trolls auspisticise their two charges by sleeping with both of them; conversely, some trolls have caliginous relationships where the rivalry is as intense as they come but neither they nor their kismesis are interested in sex. Some trolls have four quadrants filled but they're all the same one. Some trolls have matespritships that are so dysfunctional that they require an auspistice to get to the point where they can go on a date without biting each other's faces off in the least sexy way possible. (See: Terezi and Karkat, although Karkat has mercifully yet to catch on that Sollux is acting as their queer ashen third party.)

Anything that doesn't fit into the traditional quadrant system is entirely possible, but is considered really, really weird, and there are (or were, before most of the species was wiped out) an abundance of trolls who would tell you it does not count as real romance at all. There were plenty of trolls who lived ~alternative lifestyles~ in secret, but never any movement for rights or acceptance, because this is trolls we're talking about. You could totally get away with it, and perhaps not even need to be that furtive depending on your power and status, but nothing in mainstream society would tell you weren't a pervert and if anyone decided to point fingers you would be in legitimate trouble.

THE TROLLHOUSE is not actually headcanon so much as IMMUTABLE GAMECANON FACT. After Rose and Terezi won a great deal of money in Vegas whilst respectively disguised as an elderly wizard and his attractive redheaded companion, Terezi used a portion of it to purchase a shitty run-down warehouse in the desert near Truth or Consequences, which was subsequently refurbished to act as a communal hive for the trolls who live there.

It is currently home to the entire Homestuck cast with the exception of Eridan.

Notable features include:
- lots of rooms full of miscellaneous crap left behind by the previous owner (including, scandalously, cleaning supplies)
- the tumbleweed pile outside
- the roof, good for angsting on
- the faint smell of maple syrup that permeates the building
- the whiteboard

An unrealistically colour-coded representation of the warehouse, lovingly crafted in The Sims by Ilana, can be found here.

The below was originally written and posted by r3djust1c3 and is retained here for future reference:

As most of you know, Terezi purchased a warehouse in the middle of the fucking desert with the money she won on her vision quest to Las Vegas. What follows is an approximation of what it looks like, using the excellent architecture simulation program Sims 3, with these qualifiers:

✖ Everything is a thousand times shittier looking than the Sims let me design it.
✖ Everything is also smaller. Rooms are big for visual purposes only. Basically the only things that'll fit in the bedrooms are a bed, a desk and a dresser. Maybe.
✖ It is dark. It is damp. Is it dirty. And the lighting sucks.
✖ Every empty room is really filled with junk: boxes, dust, odds and ends that the last owner left. Damn you, Sims, for not letting me fill my houses with trash.
✖ The rooms really aren't color coded for convenience BUT MAYBE THEY REALLY WILL BE IN THE FUTURE?
✖ Sollux WISHES the computer lab really looked like this. :D

Isn't my approximation of the desert amazing?

Terezi's red door stands proud against the dirty white backdrop of the warehouse.

The view to the right on entry...

... and the view to left.

On the left is mostly storage but also a small living room, in which there are shitty couches and a shitty television. Please ignore the plasma screen TV, it's only in your imagination.

AERIAL VIEW. Fancy, no?

Door to the kitchen.

No stainless steel appliances here.

But there is seating for sixteen. Somehow.

BACK TO THE ENTRANCE. The middle door leads to stairs going up, so let's fucking go up.

These rooms are not really color coded.

Pumpkin? What pumpkin?

It would kind of be cool, though.

Because maybe then the bathrooms upstairs...

... could have...

... THESE.

Equius would probably die of ecstasy.

SORRY. TOO EARLY?

Back downstairs, from the entrance, the leftmost door leads to more storage and bathrooms. These rooms are also not color coded for convenience, and Karkat would never approve, but maybe one day...